This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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