He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
