Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize