My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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