I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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