They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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