The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
