At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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