you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
