when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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