Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
