everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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