Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
