I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
