Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
