RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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