He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
