i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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