Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
