just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
