I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
