tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
we're so committed to being not committed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
