just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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