so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
