im about as happy as oj after his trial
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize