she woke up with a sticky ear
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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