it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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