Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
