You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize