I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
