Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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