she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
