I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
