Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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