brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
