Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
