I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
