just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
