We should be called the Road Head Warriors
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
