She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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