if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
