Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
