That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
