my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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