Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
