oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
