obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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