please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
