Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
