I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
