The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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