I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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