mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
