he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
