he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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