Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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