turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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