I wanna bring you to show and tell
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
