Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
