Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
