I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize