the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize