Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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