had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
