The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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