dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
