do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize