Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize