okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
