As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Im part way to drunk.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
