so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
