Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
