It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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