i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
