2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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