shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you had me at cake vodka
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
