I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
