pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
