i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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