Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
