Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
