i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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