Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
