; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Randomize