Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
