Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
