i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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