you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
