quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So vagazzling was a success
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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