Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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