there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
