i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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