return my video game
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
