She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize