i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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