Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
