good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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