Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
