just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
