At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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