I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we're making bets on your personal life
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
