it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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