It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A bitchslap is in order.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize