I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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