If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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