after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
and you fell through a lawn chair
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize