Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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