What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
