You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
