I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
