oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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