This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
