Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
where are my eyebrows?
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